Vox Lucens

My first - and currently only - experience driving a car with a manual transmission came a few years ago, when the crazy used car salesman was desperate to sell me a little Focus. He was in a unique position; he was forced to butter me up in an attempt to sell me the vehicle, while finding it necessary to be critical enough to save his own life. On the latter he succeeded; on the former, not so much.

[And I still chuckle when I think of the salesman, desperately gripping the handle above the door, telling me “You’re doing great!” as I stalled out at a busy red light, and envisioning my poor dad stuck in the tiny backseat desperately praying for survival.]

And now my life is changing gears. My perspective is changing. I don’t need a job to get through law school - I need a career. I can’t choose a job on the basis of inherent coolness - I have to look to the future.  My perspective is changing from years to decades.

I’m discovering that my life is not an automatic.  And I’m very bad at driving stick.  This little perspective shift has left my brain feeling stalled out from time to time, and has certainly caused a great variety of grinding noises as I try to get things moving again.

But this comfort I do have - even in a stick shift, once you get out on the highway, cruising is easy.  It’s just the merging that’s hard.  Once the course has been set, and the highway achieved, things get easier.

As someone much wittier than I once said–

Soon we’ll be out, amidst the cold world’s strife,
Soon we’ll be sliding down the razor blade of life…

I’m really bad at receiving gifts. Maybe that sounds weird, but those of you that know me are probably nodding, wondering why I’m stating that like some big unknown; sometimes, I’m afraid, it’s painfully obvious.

But I’ve been learning.  Learning because it’s also becoming painfully obvious that I’m inadequate on my own in so many ways, and learning because God has put a number of incredibly generous people in my life.

It’s strange, in a way, to be in a position like this - a position of receiving.  Receiving requires trust, which I’m not good at, trust that there are no strings attached, trust in the genuine love of the giver.

It’s the position that the rest of the Body of Christ is in; the Body of Christ that I want to serve.  They have nothing, these persecuted men, women, and children, and I want to give to them.  But I’ll admit I hadn’t thought about what that must be like for them.  It is hard, first to be in the position of needing, and second in knowing where to turn.  So many give with ulterior motives, and I don’t want to be one of those.  Perhaps that’s why it is such a joy to work with those I serve, and to personally gain their trust.

That’s what those that are giving to me have done.  I have a feeling none of them - and there have been many recently - would want their names listed here.  But if any of them are reading this, let me just say “thank you.”  I don’t know how to say it better than that, but thank you for more than just your gifts.  Thanks that I can trust you, and that I’ve seen the Body of Christ at work in you - an example of what I want to do with my service to that Body.

Last night I couldn’t help but sit and wonder at the Lord’s amazing power, as I sat with a brother in Christ on his porch overlooking a huge portion of Amman. He spoke limited English, but our conversation was rich and deep – it was true fellowship with broken communication.

Did you know that Uriah was killed only a few miles from where I am today?

Did you know that when the angel of the Lord commanded, “Unto the church of the angel in Philadelphia write…” the letter went to modern-day Amman?

I didn’t. But this brother was from Jerusalem, and his wife was from Nazareth, and her family was from Bethlehem, so he was well acquainted with the history that surrounds us. It makes Scripture come alive to see these places, up close or even at a distance. But it is perhaps even more profound to see the Body of Christ come alive by seeing it at work. We’ve worshiped with them, talked to them, ministered to them, and yes, been ministered to by them. And we share a very common bond.

It’s beyond amazing to fellowship with each one – my conversation with this brother was just one example that I could give. He is 40 years older than I, with a vastly different life experience than any I can anticipate. His language, his culture, his home are so different than mine, but we share a Savior. And we share a common eternity.

Some shots from the last two busy days…

The olive grove that is supporting the hospital we visited today - from the orphanage that this ministry is building.

I’ve spent a good portion of the last couple of weeks just feeling overwhelmed with life. There’s the normal craziness (which still hasn’t settled down since completing studies!) but in it all I have been trying to switch paradigms. I’m trying to go from thinking about life in terms of “getting through law school, to thinking about long-term goals, from career to passions to dreams of success.” It’s different, and trying to come to grips with the uncertainty of it all is a rather terrifying thought.

But as I was struggling through all of this, I went back go a passage of Scripture that is fast becoming one of my favorites the book of 1 John. There I found a simple phrase that gave me such encouragement that I want to share it with you.

Chapter 3 starts with a simple phrase, saying, “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us…”

Behold, John tells us. Look - just look at the love of God!

So I thought I’d try it. Where does one look for the love of God? I tried looking at my past, and sure enough, there it was. God has opened every door I needed, proving His faithfulness at every turn and that is not even mentioning His unbelievable gifts of salvation and forgiveness.

I tried looking at my present, and God’s stamp of love is all over. I have a job that I not only enjoy, but that gives me the opportunity to do a good work while gaining experience. And God has brought me through the challenges of law school and the Bar.

And I tried looking at my future. Of course, I can’t know that future, but His promises are so clear. It does not take much faith to see His love all over my future, too.

Am I overwhelmed? Do I doubt and fear?

Behold.

Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us…

Two weeks from today I’ll be leading a team arriving in Amman, Jordan, for a series of medical clinics focusing on Iraqi refugees. In many ways, it feels like this trip is sneaking up on me, with work very busy (and having just come back from another trip mere weeks ago!).

But even though it may be sneaking up on me, I don’t want to forget to ask you for a very important request. Will you pray for me, and for our team?

Pray, if you would, for our preparations. We are taking a boatload of medical supplies, and the logistics can be tricky. Even just missing one item could jeopardize our ability to minister - please pray that everything would come together flawlessly. And pray for us as we prepare mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well.

Pray, if you would, for our travel. Pray that the people would arrive refreshed and ready to minister. Pray that the luggage - so carefully prepared - would arrive! Pray for our travels in country, that the Lord would grant us safety and favor.

And pray for those that we will minister to. Pray that God would bring us just the right people to minister the love of Jesus Christ to, in practical ways.

We’ll be leaving July 4 and returning July 14. Thank you, friends.

Click here for more info on this trip.

Last night I headed north for a weekend in North Carolina with friends - “old” friends, and new friends. A friend from high school, her new husband, and a couple of more folks…and a weekend of hanging out, catching up, and relaxing. (Incidentally, it is the same friend whose wedding I was trying to get to when this happened.)

But all the catching up has gotten me thinking. I’m really very bad at keeping up with people, the people that God has brought into my life to bless and enrich it. I’ve moved a lot, leaving a trail of memories, but not always keeping up with the people that share those common memories.

I regret that, but I’m not quite sure how to fix it. The Internet is a great tool, and I’ve enjoyed my limited foray into social networking, and of course my attempt at blogging, as a tool to keep in some semblance of touch with friends both old and new. But even that limited foray is time consuming, and time is something that I simply don’t have a lot of.

Is anyone good at keeping in touch? How do you do it?