Right about now, I am dedicating a good deal of time to worrying about whether or not I’m on the list. Granted, it’s a list that probably doesn’t exist yet, but sometime soon, it will be finished, taken to some dungeon underneath a Los Angeles office building, and placed on the servers of the California State Bar for the world to peruse.
[Sidebar] I don’t know why it feels appropriate that CalBar should have their servers in dungeons. But I can’t shake that visual. [End Sidebar]
Whether or not I’m on CalBar’s upcoming list will have direct implications on my future and my life. It’s rather important. But wondering whether I’m on the list is the worst part of the whole process. It’s worse than studying for it, and worse than taking the test. It’s just waiting, and wondering…and in the wondering, I’ve begun to think about lists in general, especially lists that are important.
The first one that came to mind is far more important than the Bar pass list, as strange as that may sound. While the Bar pass list could affect the rest of my life, there’s a list that affects my eternity.
But there’s a very nice thing about this list: I don’t have to wonder whether I’m on it. In fact, I can be certain. I don’t have to worry about the subjectivities of my graders, or machines goofing up my little circles filled in with a No.2 lead pencil, a proctor losing my stuff, or data being corrupted in upload. There’s a very simple “in” or “out,” and there’s no subjectivity or chance of a mistake.
And I know that I’m on that list. As I tremblingly wait for the decision of some unknown graders, I am grateful for that certainty.
Are you on the list in the Lamb’s Book of Life?
