Me, to office staff today:
I have believed, ever since the day I was a paralegal, that a lawyer without staff is much like a lion tamer without a chair, a bear trainer without a whip, and a race car driver without a steering wheel. Pretty much pointless, and quite possibly dangerous.
Office staff to me, responding:
Behind every great lawyer is a worn-out staff.
You can trust me on this - it’s true on both sides of the equation.
The things that belong in them, and sometimes, the things that don’t quite fit.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I have been married for a little over three months now, and have found marriage to be wonderful in about a zillion different ways. The wonderful woman who is now my wife is a joy to be around, all the time. But last night, I found out there may be more to the story… *queue ominous music*
Last night, after I got home from work, I answered a call on my wife’s cell phone. There was a woman’s voice on the other end, asking for my wife, and indicating that she was calling in regards to Azure Standard.
I thought about that for a second, and gave the most brilliant, well-reasoned response my brain could come up with: “You’re calling about what?”
The reply came back, indicating I had heard correctly the first time - Azure Standard. A bit perplexed at this bit of indecipherable code, I turned the phone over to the owner of said cell phone. As I handed it over, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was Code Azure Standard, or Mission Azure Standard, or Operation Azure Standard, or what on earth I was dealing with here.
That line of thinking was magnified when my wife’s first question was “Can you tell me about the Fresno drop point?”
And was that just a hint of a Russian accent I was hearing?????
Well, as it turns out, I didn’t marry a spy. I married a baker, and bakers need this thing called “wheat.” Apparently it’s cheaper in bulk - enter Azure Standard.
I’ve been doing bankruptcy work full time for almost five whole months now. As I’ve gotten my feet wetter and wetter in this whole bankruptcy world, one of my main tasks has been motion work. Motions resolve a lot of the practical issues necessary to get a discharge, especially in a Chapter 13 bankruptcy - they value property to determine security interests, avoid liens, resolve automatic stay issues, and who knows what else.
And because we do debtor work, most of my motions are filed against some kind of creditor, and often mortgage companies. In order for a motion to be effective, we must serve the papers on them in accordance with Federal Rule of Bankruptcy Procedure 7004. Normally, this means I have to go dig through the bowels of the Internet to find out who an officer of the requisite creditor is - and in today’s world, that often means digging through records of who bought what company and what the new name is. All this searching has taught me much about these corporate entities.
For instance -
You’ve probably heard of Ditech. (If you have watched TV in the last few years, you will remember Ditech from ads where the evil fat local banker bemoans that he “Lost another loan to Ditech.com” while the blissful customer wallows in happiness. Or the one where they try to convince you that “people are smart” before insulting your intelligence with a poorly animated professorial creature explaining the “advantages” of their rates.) But did you know that Ditech is a business of GMAC, the financing arm of General Motors?
Incidentally, speaking of poor advertising, GMAC was recently forced to change the name of its banking arm to “Ally Bank” in an effort to improve its image.
Did you know that Wachovia was purchased by Wells Fargo? That was in the news, of course, but it gets complicated - you see, Wachovia Bank, N.A., is not a part of Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. They haven’t finished that yet. But Wachovia Bank, N.A. is a part of Wells Fargo Corporation, the mother company who owns an astounding array of entities. And then there’s Wachovia Bank, F.S.B., which used to be World Savings Bank, F.S.B. and now has been almost sort of more or less phased out in favor of new and improved corporate structures.
Speaking of Wells Fargo, did you know that the company called “America’s Servicing Company” is actually just a DBA of Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, Inc.?
It’s nothing short of dizzying. And I haven’t mentioned Citigroup, JPMorganChase, or Bank of America, and countless other entities.
But I digress. All this to say that finding the appropriate contact information for Rule 7004 service can be a challenge.
But the federal government might be making it easier on me. If this goes through, the United States government will own a majority stake in GMAC. So I am given to wonder, will my service list look like this?
GMAC
Attn: Barack Obama, CEO
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
Thoughts?
…on their one-month anniversary?
Today, our hero arose. He went and compiled his weapons - a passport, a title, a utility bill in his name - and went to face the enemy known only as DMV.
Ah, DMV! That giant among bureacrats, patron saint among inefficient morasses, guardian angel of all drab waiting rooms. And when the little mechanical voice said, “A023 at Window Number 9,” our hero knew that every weapon at his employ would require the most skillful of weilding.
And each, one by one, was taken and assimilated by DMV. Each accomplished its purpose, but none could deal the deathblow. In the end, it came down to one weapon - the debit card.
Our hero begged. He signed over a lien on the house he does not yet own. He promised to donate his wavy locks to the California Department of Aid for the Hairless. He spat upon signs that said “Threatening a State Employee is a Felony” and demanded justice and freedom. All to no avail.
But in the end, debit card prevailed. It was bereaved of its motive force, the green energy that powers its economical workings, but it prevailed, and our hero emerged with a small piece of paper broadcasting to the world that he had an Interim License to Drive.
–From A Pointless Oral History of One of Mankind’s Dimmest Luminaries
I didn’t bother, I’m afraid, studying the California textbook on driving. Perhaps it was naive, but I assumed that since I had been driving for quite some time with a clean record, I’d be able to buzz right through a written test. (Though the inner man chafed at having to take a written test, I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal.)
But when I sat down and started reading I was worried. I didn’t know the answers. I discovered, though, that the questions I didn’t know the answers to were based entirely on the fact that I’m just too good of a person. I don’t drink, so the BAC limit just doesn’t matter to me. I don’t smoke, so regulations on when you can smoke and drive just never entered my mind.
And as I sat there, thinking to myself that if I failed this test because I don’t drink and smoke, I was going to be rather put out.
It turns out, though, that California is strangely predictable on how it regulates drinking and smoking. I found it rather ironic, though, even in my relief at passing, that while I got the questions about smoking and drinking correct, of the three I missed one involved a blind man in a crosswalk, one involved talking on a cell phone without a hands-free device (it’s more legal than I thought!), and the third involved how much information you have to give the imbecile that smashed his car against yours.
But this I can say, with a highly genuine sigh of gratefulness - it’s done. I’m licensed and registered. I need not darken the door of a DMV for a long while yet.