Vox Lucens

Yesterday, the frigid north *cough, cough* spewed forth precipitation in the form of ice. This morning’s wonderland was as perilous as it was beautiful, and I decided to take some pictures.

There comes a day in every man’s life when he looks back on the past and realizes its value on the present, when past traditions long abandoned are resurrected into glorious light only magnified by the passage of time. It is on such a day that our hero has now embarked, and as he assayed the traditional feast before him, he could not help but remember the wisdom that he had been taught: “And besides this, giving all diligence, add to your Taco Bell coffee, and to your coffee law books…”

–From A Pointless Oral History of One of Mankind’s Dimmest Luminaries

Back when I lived in Northern Virginia, one of my favorite food-related activities was to grab a trusted friend and head to Taco Bell for a two-man, Grande Meal eating show. (And yes, adding the Nachos BellGrande and the Mexican Pizza were musts.)

I will freely admit that it is a hard task to find a friend who is willing to trust you enough to subject his entire digestive system to the bombardment of such a feast, and it is for that reason that I have not attempted this glorious tradition since leaving Northern Virginian climes.

Today I was highly gratified to learn that I have not lost my touch. The Grande Meal still quakes before me…and quakes within me.

And as I add a big cup of coffee to the dozen pounds of I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Beef running through my system, I am amazed at what bar study can do to a man.

It must be admitted–and I will do so freely–that the study of law for the purposes of passing the bar is a long, tedious, and rather inane process. There is not much that provides actual entertainment in the midst of the arcane rules and rote memorization.

I therefore take a break from my studies to point out a few of the more successful entertainment attempts emanating from law school and such.

Hearsay Exceptions via Lego

US v. Batson

Some farmers from Gaines had a plan.
It amounted to quite a big scam.
But the payments for cotton
began to smell rotten.
Twas a mugging of poor Uncle Sam.
The ASCS and its crew
uncovered this fraudulent stew.
After quite a few hearings,
the end is now nearing–
It awaits our judicial review.

Bradshaw v. Unity Marine

Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact - complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words - to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions.

The Gross Income Song

Buzzwords

Writing a legal essay successfully often requires remembering buzzwords. For that reason, I have been working to remember all those buzzwords in preparation for spitting them out on an exam. Here’s a starting list–more are welcome in comments!

“Common Nucleus of Operative Fact” (CivPro)

“Res Gestae” (CrimLaw)

“Reasonable and Articulable Suspicion” (CrimPro)

“Res Ipsa Loquitur” (Torts)

“Essential to Fulfill a Compelling Government Interest” (ConLaw)

“Foreseeable Zone of Danger” (Torts)

“Benefit of the Bargain” (Contracts)

“Capable of Repetition, Yet Evading Review” (ConLaw)

“Fruit of the Poisonous Tree” (CrimPro)

“Under Belief of Impending Death” (Evidence)

“Gravemen of the Injury” (Contracts)

“Pretermitted Heir” (Wills)