The Peace of the Painful Prayer
Last time I posted I talked about your prayers…but tonight I am thinking about mine.
This has been a whirlwind week, with at least 13 hours of study each day, and sometimes much more. I’m in a strange place, working my butt off in pursuit of a goal that is very much not guaranteed. It is entirely possible that all this work could go for naught, and that really, really bugs me.
For a long time, I’ve had a very specific prayer when facing uncertainties like this, though. And as painful as it is to pray - because I really mean it - I find myself turning to it again this week. It’s a simple prayer, and it goes something like this: “Lord, if failing this test would bring You more glory, then let me fail. And if I pass, let that shed all the honor and glory on to You.”
There is a strange peace that comes with praying that painful prayer. Somehow, genuinely desiring God’s glory, and working hard for that purpose, is freeing. It helps that I truly believe that He can glorify Himself through my failure, should He so choose.
And while I hope more than I can say that His glory would be more served by my success, that is truly my prayer.