Vox Lucens

The California Bar is now 2/3 over, after a day of the multiple-choice questions from the Multistate Bar Exam.

My brain is numb.

One more day to go.

But as I gathered with hundreds of other law students in preparation for filling in hundreds of little ovals with a No.2 lead pencil, all I could think about was the great movie scenes in which writing implements were used as weapons.

The first one that comes to mind is the scene in the first Bourne movie in which Jason rams a pen into the hand of his opponent. Then there is the scene in Daredevil in which Bullseye kills Kingpin with a pencil to the trachea. I’m also told there is a scene in Redeye, but I know nothing about that movie.

Any other such scenes that come to mind?

We concluded our hard-core bar preparation studies yesterday. Most of us are still alive, which is a good thing! So today, in order to try to get a little relaxation in, we traveled to a nearby Redwood Grove and just wandered around enjoying the fresh air and lack of books.

Tomorrow I’m moving my stuff to downtown Oakland, and Tuesday the Bar starts. Perhaps I should call this the coniferous calm before the studious storm.

(Click for higher res versions.)

Just to prove that I was actually there…

Last time I posted I talked about your prayers…but tonight I am thinking about mine.

This has been a whirlwind week, with at least 13 hours of study each day, and sometimes much more. I’m in a strange place, working my butt off in pursuit of a goal that is very much not guaranteed. It is entirely possible that all this work could go for naught, and that really, really bugs me.

For a long time, I’ve had a very specific prayer when facing uncertainties like this, though. And as painful as it is to pray - because I really mean it - I find myself turning to it again this week. It’s a simple prayer, and it goes something like this: “Lord, if failing this test would bring You more glory, then let me fail. And if I pass, let that shed all the honor and glory on to You.”

There is a strange peace that comes with praying that painful prayer. Somehow, genuinely desiring God’s glory, and working hard for that purpose, is freeing. It helps that I truly believe that He can glorify Himself through my failure, should He so choose.

And while I hope more than I can say that His glory would be more served by my success, that is truly my prayer.

I must admit that I tend to take prayer for granted. I don’t like admitting that, as I write about prayer every week, and truly and vocally believe in its power. Make no doubt about it, prayer is a powerful force - but I still take it for granted.

Sometimes, though, I am reminded of the beauty and power of prayer so strongly that I just can’t miss it. There have been a number of those moments overseas, for instance, as in talking to the members of the persecuted church they have told amazing stories of what our prayers have done on their behalf. I never cease to be blown away by those stories, and the passion that they have for prayer - our prayers for them, and just as real, their prayers for us.

But over the past couple of weeks, I have been blown away by a different kind of prayer. I say “different kind”; that’s not the right phrase, because it is certainly the same prayer to the same omnipotent God. But it’s prayer for a different purpose - your prayers for me.

I can’t tell you how many people have told me that they are praying for me as I study for the Bar. People I know well, people I hardly know, friends old and new, close and far - so many people have made sure that they lift me up before the throne of grace.

And that blows me away. It blows me away partly because I need those prayers so badly. This test scares me to death, and for good reason; it is no exaggeration to say that passing it is beyond me. It would be a minor miracle for a great God, of course, but the work of that great God nonetheless.

But it blows me away mostly just because your prayers are the greatest gift that I can imagine getting.

So thank you, more than I can say.

Not much time to post…15 hours of study yesterday, and we’re on track for that again today, but it has been very valuable. At any rate, here’s my current life in a picture.

I have reached that strange place in life where jumping on a plane and traveling from one side of the country to the other is just something that you do. I’m not sure whether that is good or bad, but regardless, I’m now ensconced in Oakland.

(Sidebar: It was outrageously fun to wear my Chargers cap on the flight from Denver to Oakland. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.)

But even when the idea of jumping from one coast to the other is not a big deal, I had a wonderful time in Virginia with both friends and family. Breaking up bar study with fellowship makes it much more pleasant.

This week’s plan is, from what I am told, is three simulated bar exams in six days. All fellowship will be with essays, MBEs, and performance tests. We’ll be busy.

And as always, your prayers are very much appreciated.